P.S. By the way 

Ring sizes:

Left Hand
pinky 2
ring finger 3.75
middle 5
index 4.75
thumb 5

Right Hand
thumb 5.75
Index 5.5
middle 5.75
ring 4.5
pinky 2.25

posted by AbbyLinn 5:07 PM

Beauty 

I've learned to see my own beauty, after years of being told that it did not exist. It was a painful and slow process, but I finally caved, cried, and came to break through the years of bitterness and hurt to see what others see, that I am pretty. I put up such a wall sometimes though, trying so hard to be overly attractive, and don't see the simple beauty in the unmade-up me. This week has been different though. I had learned to really like how I look, to even appreciate the flaws, but for the past few days I haven't seen that. I look in the mirror and don't see anything beautiful at all. I don't like what I see, I don't know why. I feel skrawny rather than slender, and plain rather than simple.

It must have something to do with my mood, I have been crying and anxious the whole time that I have been like this too, and seeing someone who isn't pretty looking back at me in the mirror, doesn't help to make me feel better, have more confidence, or be less anxious. How is it that the knowing that I am beautiful can be so easily swayed by what I see in the mirror. I know that it is more important to believe what is unseen, and yet, it is too easy to believe what one's eyes tell you. I guess that's why we believe in aliens too.

posted by AbbyLinn 11:09 PM

Grace 

NOUN:
1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety.
4. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill.
5. Mercy; clemency.
6. A favor rendered by one who need not do so; indulgence.
7. A temporary immunity or exemption; a reprieve.
8. Graces Greek & Roman Mythology Three sister goddesses, known in Greek mythology as Aglaia, Euphrosyne, and Thalia, who dispense charm and beauty.
9. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
10. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
11. An excellence or power granted by God.
12. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal.
13. Grace Used with His, Her, or Your as a title and form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.

TRANSITIVE VERB: graced , grac·ing , grac·es
1. To honor or favor: You grace our table with your presence.
2. To give beauty, elegance, or charm to.

The word is used for royalty, beauty, and favor, but none of these descriptions even come close to describing all that God has given to me through his grace. His favor extends further than I could even imagine and he continually bestows upon me more and more love. He is truely a father of love, spoiling me with His goodness, mostly when I do not deserve it - making it truely grace.

The very word sounds like spun gold, so fine and beautiful, pure and valuable, rare and precious. A dictionary can hardly define grace, it is rather something that must be experienced.

posted by AbbyLinn 10:29 AM

Faith 

In the midst of a frusterating day of work I found myself debating between simply trusting God to provide for me, as Moses and the Isrealites did in the desert or to follow the adage "God helps those who help themselves". I quickly remembered, though, that if that adage was true, Ishmael would be the father of Jacob (Isreal) rather than Isaac fathering Jacob. So for now, I will try to trust in God's manna...

posted by AbbyLinn 6:58 PM

Formula for Love 

The key to truely loving a person is to strive to love everyone. God, being love, loves everyone, not just those who deserve it, and thus when we have a love for all we can better love those whom we want to love - at all times.

posted by AbbyLinn 6:40 PM

My Prayer Apologia 

I'm learning so much about prayer right now, in a depth that I never knew existed to prayer life. Prayer has always been hard for me, I'd be done so quickly, and not really know how to be in constant prayer. I did not know what do say, what to ask, or more importantly HOW to ask. For if one merely knows HOW to ask, we may not even need to know what to ask. So here I am, struggling to learn, my motivation being the need of a friend and strangely enough, a novel that had a character who prayed and though not really understanding and having a hard time believing, found results. As I thought back, I realized that a lot of my inspiration for new ways to pray have come from Christian novels, and so I am now going to try to chronicle my findings in order to spur myself on, and perhaps give others ideas.

Though I know that there is no magical spell that can be cast by chanting certain words, no mathematical formula to answer every instance (even Christ did not use the same method always for the same problem, as with healing the blind, he had so many different methods) but there is one congruent ingredient in His healings and prayers and miracles - Faith. And maybe more than that, a close relationship with the Father. Humility as well. So here I am, kneeling at the feet of my Father, my leader, and asking, begging, crying out, for direction.

posted by AbbyLinn 7:41 PM

Falling for Someone 

Though falling in love is 100% God's orchastration (minus the stuff we mess up) I have decided during the past week or so that falling for someone else is about 70% ego and 30% entertainment. To explain more fully, what do we like better about the opposite sex than their attraction to us? Which just comes back to our own love of ourselves - our ego. And when that starts to bore us, this new person has differences about them, that at first are fascinating and intersting, giving us something new and unexpected.

Why did I find myself attracted to this guy? He was so very much of me, he had such a close sense of humor to me, he understood my jokes, everytime, and I understood his as well. We enjoyed so many of the same things - all me loving things about myself, just found in a different person. Then there were those things I did not have in me, that he had - travel knowledge, sports, a bigger city, and those stories entertained me. How shallow it is when broken down, no wonder we need God and REAL love to hold relationships together.

posted by AbbyLinn 5:02 PM

My Safe Place 

*thinks of that place where tv and guys and clothes and all those other distractions do not exist, that place where God is, waiting for me to come and chat*

That is the place that I need to go to more often, and rarely ever find myself. Instead I'm rather play games, or talk to those boys I need to avoid, or shop for those clothes I do not need. I come away from it feeling like my day has been wasted, feeling abandoned and without hope. Feeling so lost, so annoyed, so unfilled.

I find that the people I admire the most are those with a close walk with God, and then I strive to look like Jennifer Anniston, and be Paris Hilton. Why?

I look around the room now and see people reading their Bibles, studying, delving into God's word and really, really learning and becoming satisfied, and suddenly I remember that it is not all about clothing and movies and the boyfriend that I do not have. It is about Him - Christ and Him crucified, and I wish I had not just wasted so many hours on nothing.

That verse about how He gives water that fulfills our thirst, it's not quite acurate. The water of the world definately leaves you feeling like you have just licked a salt block and need something very wet. However reading the Word and hearing it just makes me feel soooooooo awesomely good that I just want more and more and more. It's like that great steak that you could eat forever, even when full, because you do not really feel full, it is just so good. And the world is too much like chocolate fudge. It looks good, it tastes good while first participating, but it makes you soooooo sick. I wish I'd just get so sick of it I would never go back to it. Why am I such a fool? So human.

posted by AbbyLinn 1:09 AM

Life Verse 

I've never really been able to choose a life verse, but more and more I am finding that the verse that guides me is Philippians 4:8. Everytime I need guidance in how to act or think, I come back to this one. It is what shapes my personality, and what helps me to be the woman that I know God wants me to be.

"Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things."

posted by AbbyLinn 10:30 PM

The Sweetest Romance 

I find so often that I am keeping my eyes open for Prince Charming. I dream of meeting him, running so many senarios through my mind of how I'll meet him, and how much he'll adore me. On the other hand, I remember that I need to be concentrating on The One who already has my love story written, and I come back to just leaning on Him, trusting Him, and remembering that He knows so much better than I do. I doubt so often, thinking things like "so this guy isn't perfect, but he's closer to what I want in a guy than most guys I know, and he actually pays attention to me, so maybe he'd work out". And then I remember that God can have the perfect guy for me, PERFECT, hear that? The guy who really really fits me. And yet I look at these guys who aren't even close to perfect for me. I expect him to have flaws, that's reality in a world with sin, but I take those flaws to the max, and think that a guy can be so wrong and yet be sorta right. Silly girl that I am.

Then once in a while I find myself truely waiting on the Lord, listening, and watching how He's working in my life. I find then that I can thank Him for passing on guys for me, when I would have jumped at the chance to be with the wrong guy. And then the real picture starts showing in little pieces. Like a couple weeks ago when we sang in church "Jesus Lord of Heaven" and the Lord showed me the verse "You love has no bounds" and then we sang "Blessed Assuarance" and the line "Lost in His Love" came up. And then we read Philippians 4:19 "my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." And I found myself wondering (and agreeing with the wondering) if this was really what Love was about. It wasn't God giving me a boyfriend, it was me waiting on Him, and loving Him, and seeing that in my patience He was perfecting everything. His love is not bounded by humans who sometimes seem so failing and imperfect (mostly because we are) and if I just lose myself in His love He will free me of my unbelief and be able to work in me. It is not that He is bounded by my unbelief, it is that I have bound myself from accepting His assistance, nay, total guiding and orchastrating of my life. If only I could remember that ALL the time.

posted by AbbyLinn 10:17 PM